Why Foreign Dating Can Be a Dream or Your Worst Nightmare (Contribution)


(The following is a guest post by Sebastian Harris, writer for Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, and various other popular sites. He wanted to come by to discuss his experiences as a travel-and-dating coach. Enjoy.)

As a traveler, foreign dating is my biggest passion.

I am serious. I am one of these weird guys who just can’t stop thinking about all the beautiful women in foreign countries. It’s an addiction.

However, this concept is also very beneficial for men. In Western countries like the USA in particular, there are a lot of issues where men feel disconnected and hopeless because of their local dating scenes. This is sometimes because of a lack of available and / or quality women.

Today, foreign dating has allowed me to meet and attract the woman of my dreams. As I am now happily in a relationship, the passion has turned into a vision to help men all over the world embark on their journeys to find love abroad, as well.

I know how amazing it feels to wake up next to the woman of your dreams; and I want as many men as possible to experience the same.

And while I believe foreign dating can be the key to happiness and fulfillment, I am also aware of the dark side. Dating abroad isn’t always a dream come-true. It can also result in the opposite. It can destroy your dreams. It can become your biggest nightmare.

I have to accept that some guys just shouldn’t embark on this journey. At least, they shouldn’t embark on the journey straight away.

The reason is that some men who go abroad for love have the wrong mindsets. They try out the foreign dating scene, fail at it, and then send me angry emails because it didn’t work. They may say that every international dating site is a scam, or that women are just after their money.

The way you approach foreign dating determines whether or not you’ll succeed at it. You decide if it will be your biggest nightmare, or the secret to finding the woman of your dreams (and lifelong fulfillment).

Here are some of the common hang-ups to be mindful of:

Don’t Develop the God Syndrome

What is the God Syndrome?

I define the God Syndrome as a state of mind that people who never had any success at dating get when they are in a country with plenty of opportunities to meet women.

The perfect example would be a white guy who travels to the Philippines for the first time. The women in the Philippines are beautiful and it is no secret that you have a dating advantage when your skin is white. That’s just how it is.

I know many guys who are in happy relationships with Filipinas. However, I also know some guys who developed negative personality traits, such as arrogance, because of all the attention they received. Eventually, these negative personality traits push away the good women that they actually wanted.

This leads to the next hang-up:

Don’t Have Completely Unrealistic Expectations

Let’s say you are 60 years-old and you want to find an Asian wife. There’s nothing wrong with that. I am in a relationship with a beautiful Thai woman. I know a lot of men who are happy with their Asian girlfriends and wives.

But what happens when an older guy who is retired comes to Thailand because he wants to find a wife who is in her twenties?

Two things can happen:

  1. He will never find her because his expectations are completely unrealistic.
  2. He will end up with a girl who only wants his money.

Such a guy would be far happier if he were looking for a girl who is a bit older and who really wants to be with him.

Don’t Bring Your Insecurities With You  

This is a huge problem.

The first advice I give guys who want to travel to another country to meet women is to overcome their anxieties and insecurities before they go.

Just because you are in another country doesn’t mean that you are another person.

If you travel to another country as an insecure guy without the confidence to meet women, you will settle for the first woman who approaches you. If you are lucky, this woman is not perfect for you. If luck is not on your side, she’s a gold digger who takes you to the cleaners.

It Doesn’t Have to be a Nightmare…

Now let’s have a look at what you can do to turn your foreign dating experience into an amazing adventure that leads to love and happiness.

It’s not that hard. I did it and so can you. All you have to do is to follow a few simple rules before you book your flight.

Improve Yourself and Your Dating Skills

A man who will find the woman of his dreams in a foreign country is a man who is willing to work on himself. Eventually, this work will lead to improvement.

On one hand, it’s true that dating women in traditional countries is by far not as stressful as dating Western party girls who just want to have fun. Your chances of finding the woman of your dreams are much higher in Asia than in places like the USA, Canada, Germany, etc. I truly believe that.

However, that doesn’t mean that you don’t need the dating skills needed to be an attractive, high-quality guy. You can’t expect to land in a foreign country and to magically meet your special someone without knowing how to approach her, how to connect with her and how to date her.

Improve yourself and your dating skills before you leave your country. Don’t make the mistake of believing that these issues will just magically resolve themselves because you’ve gone abroad.

Travel to the Right Countries

One of the main reasons why so many guys are unhappy in their relationships is because they settle for a woman who is not perfect for them. They either meet her in school, on their college campus, or at work. Then they try to justify their decision to date this girl by saying that they are soulmates.

Please stop fooling yourself.

The chance that the girl who sits next to you in your college class is your soul mate is 1/1.000.000. You probably haven’t been to the country, let alone the city, in which you will actually find your soul mate.

This also has a lot to do with geography. As an example, if your ideal woman is more traditional and willing to stay at home with the kids, you are much more likely to find her in an Asian country. However, if this type of woman is not appealing to you, a country like the Philippines may not be your best pick.

Travel to the right countries and you will meet the right women. It’s really that simple.

Don’t Settle Until You Find Your Perfect Girlfriend  

It’s tempting to settle for the first girl who shows interest in you, especially when you’ve been lonely for a very long time. But you shouldn’t do it.

If you have the feeling that the girl you are with, no matter how beautiful she might be, is not the perfect woman for you, you should not settle down.

Do yourself a favor and keep on searching. Don’t give up, just because the first girl you met smiled at you. You deserve the woman of your dreams and if you keep on going, you’ll eventually meet her.

Foreign Dating Can Be a Dream Come True

Hopefully you’re not scared after reading this article.

The point was not to shock you, but to warn readers about making the same stupid mistakes that so many guys make when they travel with the intention of finding romance.

Dating abroad can present many great opportunities that may be missing in your home country. However, it’s not an alternative to personal growth and development needed to have a great love life. Always remember that you have to overcome your insecurities and your emotional issues before you can attract love. It doesn’t work the other way around.

Armed with this knowledge, it’s undoubtedly possible to have an amazing experience finding love abroad.

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  1. Thanks for the comprehensive guest post, Sebastian. Spot on when it comes to foreign dating.

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